Twenty years – Two decades of ‘us”. When I look back from December 2005 to now, it feels like life has been hitting the fast-forward button, yet my heart remembers each frame in slow motion – the uncertainty, the quiet smiles, the long-distance emails, the babies’ first cries, the airport goodbyes, the homecomings and the everyday madness that stitched it all together into our story.

The meeting that changed everything

Ours was never a thunderbolt love story. It was an arranged meeting planned carefully by parents; mothers to be specific and perfected by destiny. I was fiercely focused on my career had just joined my alma mater IHM Mumbai as a faculty after working in operations at the Taj Mahal Palace and Tower. I was quite content with my lectures, lesson plans and dreams, not really hunting for ‘the one’. Proposals came and went, my parents listened, I listened and then politely moved on. Until that one October evening in 2004 when a young Merchant Navy officer walked into our living room with his parents – casually dressed, unassuming and completely unaware that he was about to change my life.

What struck me that day was not some ‘filmi spark’, but his honesty. Instead of marketing himself, he listed his ‘negatives’ and openly spoke about the challenges of his profession. No tall claims, no sugar coating, just a straightforward, down to earth man who knew who he was. Our mothers thought we were a great match much before we did. I simply said, ‘He’s okay,’ and went back to my routine, not realizing that ‘okay’ sometimes grows into ‘everything’.

From ‘okay’ to ‘I choose you’

Months passed. He went sailing, I busied myself in work. Then came that famous phone call – our mothers had conspired with the universe and decided we should get engaged. It was exam time at college, everything was chaotic and suddenly I was planning my engagement in April with a man I had met just once. While going to book the venue for the function, my brother’s simple question in the car, ‘Are you happy?’ made me pause. When I didn’t say anything, he reminded me what a good man Rajesh was – responsible, respected and above all, a genuinely nice human being. Somewhere my confused mind began to settle. I had made a choice!

The day we became ‘WE’

By the time our wedding date in December arrived, we were no longer two strangers placed on a conveyor belt of tradition. We were friends, confidante and each other’s cheerleaders. We had spoken about our families, expectations, fears, quirks and even the everyday details of life at sea and life in a classroom. Walking into the Todiwan household as a bride did not feel like stepping into a foreign space; it felt like walking into my second home. Rajesh had prepared me so beautifully that nothing came as a shock – only as a continuation of conversations we had already shared. I got the best people as my parents in law, who probably loved me more than their own children because I completed their most loving son. My mom in law had a very strong wish to see her beloved son married and settled.

For our honeymoon, he let me choose the destination and put my comfort first, without making a show of it. An elderly lady we met during that time told him to always keep me like a queen as I looked like one. Two decades later, I can say with a full heart – he took that blessing very seriously. He has treated me like his princess, even when I have been cranky, overworked or simply impossible.

Tiny feet, big changes

Nine months into the marriage, our world exploded into joy with the arrival of our elder son. Rajesh, the ‘shippy, missed the actual birth – a reality most seafarer families know too well  but the universe reserved a special moment for him. When he finally signed off and came home, it was a tiny, 18 day old Arnnav who greeted his father’s return.  In that instant, I watched a tough mariner melt into an emotional, soft-hearted dad. Rajesh cried holding his son and thanking me for the happiness bestowed on him. That image is carved into my memory forever.

Three years later, Abhinav came along, doubling our blessings and our responsibilities. Two energetic boys, one mother balancing life while chasing professional goals and one father sailing for months at a stretch. It could have been filled with challenges and it was. But it was beautiful chaos. When Rajesh was home, I could breathe. When he was away, his calm voice over satellite calls and emails kept me anchored. He has been an exceptional father – hands-on, patient and deeply present even from miles away.

Two high demand careers, one shared life

On paper, our careers look like a recipe for exhaustion: a Master Mariner and a hospitality professional-educator-author-CSR worker. Both worlds demand long hours, emotional energy and constant learning. Yet, somewhere along the line, we stopped seeing them as ‘his job’ and ‘my job’. We started seeing them as different expressions of the same values – discipline, service, care and resilience.

He understands the pressures of my world; I write about his. We’ve blended the maritime and hospitality universes in our conversations, our travels and our shared dreams. Our favourite way to recharge is to simply get into the car and drive – road trips, new destinations and the joy of being just us, away from timetables and logbooks. Quality over quantity has been our silent agreement and it has kept our bond strong even when the calendar has been brutal.

Fights, flaws and forever

It would be dishonest to pretend the last twenty years were picture perfect. We have argued, snapped, over thought and lost sleep over things that now seem trivial. There have been days of self-inflicted stress and nights when silence was louder than words. But through every rough patch, some things never left the room: respect and trust. Even when we disagreed, we did not stop valuing each other as individuals.

Rajesh has given me a rare gift – the freedom to remain a little girl at heart. He has stood by me as I stretched my wings professionally, from teaching and training to founding Indian Women in Hospitality and he has remained my biggest critic and strongest supporter. I, in turn, have admired his quiet courage, his humanity at sea and the way he lives his values even when no one is watching.

Twenty years of ‘arranged togetherness’

When people debate love versus arranged marriage, our story always makes me smile. We started as a neat entry in a mental spreadsheet of ‘proposals’, met under the watchful eyes of parents and walked into an engagement that almost felt rushed. Somewhere between that first awkward conversation and this twentieth anniversary, we moved from arrangement to affection, from affection to friendship, from friendship to a deep, steady love that has weathered time, distance and life’s many surprises. He has remained my friend, in fact he jokes that I have become a lot like him and he has started thinking like me.

If there is one thing these twenty years have taught me, it is this: love does not always arrive with violins and fireworks. Sometimes it walks in quietly with its parents, lists its own flaws, forgets to offer you coffee, sails away for months and still finds its way back to you –  again and again. That is our story.

Happy 20th anniversary hubby. Thank you for choosing me, for saving the best for the last and for making our arranged love marriage the most beautiful journey of my life.

PS: What gift can one expect from a blogger wife?…. ofcourse a blog! 🙂